Promises to My Girls

Raising kids in this day and age is hard.  There's just no getting around it!  There's a lot of pressure on parents, and therefore children, to be good at sports, be well-dressed, be popular...it's impossible for anyone to keep up.

So on reflecting on my past eight years of raising a stubborn, independent young lady in anticipation of bringing her sister into the world, I've come up with a few promises I'd like to make to Miss Riley Rachelle that I've made to Alli.

I will dress you appropriately and comfortably for your age.  No giant bows bigger than your head.  Why oh why are these popular?  Listen, I'm a girlie girl.  I love pink, I love sparkles, and I love ponies.  I don't mind tasteful bows that are sized appropriately for the child wearing them.  But these headbands with giant daises and peacock feathers and huge rosettes are killing me.  Killing.  Me.  And I promise, you won't wear dresses every day when you need to be wearing jeans or leggings.  And I'll never ever put you in something that will make me mad if you color on it, rip it, or get food on it.  You're a kid, and you just need to be worried about being a kid.  Clothes are just clothes.  And I'll never send you to school or daycare in shoes that you can't run and play in.  Or that make noise.  Seriously, those squeaker shoes?  Who invented them?  Clearly someone without children.

I won't force you into anything you don't want to do.  When Alli was around 3 I signed her up for gymnastics.  It seemed like a good way to get her started in some exercise and extracurriculars.  Did I do gymnastics when I was little?  No.  I just thought she might enjoy it.  When she asked to stop and start dance around 5, I obliged.  When she asked to do cheer instead of dance the next year, I did it.  And then when she wanted to go back to gymnastics, we did that too.  I started her horseback riding lessons when she was 6.  I felt like she was old enough to handle it and enjoy it.  Did I want to start her at the earliest possible moment?  Of course.  But I waited until she reached a maturity level to truly appreciate it.  And when she had a bad spell of lessons, I asked her earnestly to please tell me if she wanted to stop.  She didn't, thank goodness for Mama, but I was ready and willing to accommodate her, even if it kind of broke my heart.  And when she begged to sign up for soccer this spring, I did it.  I know absolutely nothing about soccer and it has never been high on my list of sports, but I signed her up.  And I'll be at every single game cheering her on, even if I have no idea what's happening.  I'll love it because she does.  And I'll do the same for you, Riley, whether you are a pianist, a painter, a softball stud, or a football player.

• I will ensure you value your inner self more than your outer self.  Women are constantly under pressure to be beautiful, successful, and pulled together.  We maintain homes, we run businesses, and we are supposed to do all of it in heels, designer jeans, and a full face of makeup.    There's no doubt in my mind you are going to be as beautiful as your big sister, Riley, but I promise your inside will be even more beautiful than your outside (just like Alli).  Rather than teaching you about lipstick application and designer handbags - both things I love - I will make sure we focus on teaching you compassion, selflessness, and patience.  I'm never prouder of Alli than when she runs across the field to help a child up who has fallen or tells me "Landry isn't a bad dog, he doesn't mean to!"  So heels and makeup are great, I love them too, but the most important thing in the world to me is who you are on the inside.  And I promise you, I will do all I can to make it shine.
• I will always let you be who you are.  I sometimes die a little inside when Alli wants to wear a Ninja Turtle t-shirt to go shopping instead of one of her cuter outfits.  And when she wanted to be a ghost at Halloween instead of a princess.  But since day one, I promised myself I would let her be herself.  It's one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me, and I had to pass it down to my kids.  She's got plenty of self-doubt and awkward junior high years ahead of her.  To get through those, she's going to need a strong sense of who she is.  So I just let her be who she wants to be.  No forcing.  Unless we're going to church and she has her Michelangelo t-shirt on with leggings and Converse.  You have to teach them how to dress correctly for certain occasions, right?  So Riley, I have my fingers crossed you'll be a little prissier and frillier than your big sister, but if you're not...I'll be just fine.  I am pretty sure your dad and sister already have your first Halloween costume planned, and it's not very princess-y.  But as soon as you can tell me what you want to be, you got it girl.