Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Date Night

Don't be fooled by this title.  I am not referring to my own personal date night.  I haven't had one of those since my pre-Riley days, and even on that one I was 8.5 months pregnant so it's not like I really let loose or anything.  My back was killing me, I couldn't sip wine (because we all know I am a wine-sipper), and I needed to be home to get in bed by 8PM.

What I'm referring to is my social media "friends" who have date nights and how envious I am.  Ryan and I aren't big on leaving the kids with anyone besides family, and the one family member we have locally works two jobs - one in food service and one at a bar, so she might be able to give us "date early afternoon" but date night is pretty much out of the question.

Maybe my lack of date nightingness is my own fault, since I can't let go enough to let someone who doesn't spend Christmas morning with my kids watch them for a few hours, but that's a neurotic tic I've accepted about myself, kind of like the fact that I'm pretty sure if you took my blood pressure when there are dishes in the sink, I'd be having some kind of cardiac event.

Moreso than my parents friends who are date-nighting it up on the reg (power to you, know how lucky you are and how jealous I am), I would like to address my non-parent friends and point out to you that it's not date night for you.  

I know the experts say that kids or no, married for forty years or two, you should always "date" your partner.  But I have to pause and wonder for a minute if these experts have witnessed the miracle of birth, held their wife's hair while she violently threw up (let's just call that a stomach bug), or seen what happens to the female body after it carries a child for nine months.  You can't date someone you've seen go to the bathroom.  You can't date someone you've seen ugly cry.  And you can't date someone who has made you blind with rage because they won't PUT AWAY THE CLOTHES YOU FOLDED FOR THEM.  So I contend that these relationship experts don't have kids, always close the door when they go pee, and are already on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication.  But I digress...

It's not date night for you.  You've never sat down for dinner at a restaurant, had the waiter bring you your plate, and had someone say "Mom, I need to go to the bathroom."  Really, right now?  We've been sitting here twenty minutes waiting for our food, and right now when the waiter brought me my nice hot plate, you have to go to the bathroom?

It's not date night for you.  You've never had your meal interrupted by bending down to pick up a sippy cup literally one thousand times.  You have intelligent, coherent, uninterrupted conversations about politics and travel (because you have plenty of time and money to invest in them), and your hobbies (which don't include 'going to youth soccer games' and 'Pokemon cards').  You can finish a thought without being interrupted by "MAMA!" and yourself saying "Don't crawl on the floor."

It's not date night for you.  Every night of the week you can go out to dinner with your significant other.  You don't have to plan it a month in advance and pray no one gets sick (because they always get sick at the worst times) and that you don't find yourself just too exhausted to go anywhere.  You can wear whatever you want without being afraid the baby will pull your earring through your ear, pull down your shirt, or someone will think "She's a mom, why is she dressed like that?"  Makeup and a nice dress aren't a break for you - you can wear them whenever you want because whenever you want you can go eat at places where they don't have crayons and paper menus and gross wooden high chairs.

Look, I get it.  You're "dating" your partner.  You're making it a special event so you don't get complacent in your relationship.  I support you.  And I wouldn't trade my rugrats for your child-free dinners (most of the time).  Post your pics because you look hot in your LBD and your heels.  Check in at Bordino's and make me jealous - don't have too many chocolate martinis.  But can we just agree that it's "Saturday night" for you?

Date night!!!!

Oh wait, no.  Just Saturday night!!!!!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Self-Esteem by Alli

Alli Bree is full of wisdom, she looks at things plainly, and she's brutally honest.  Case in point, this Friday night heading to our neighborhood pool:

Alli:  "Mom, why don't you ever wear this swimsuit with the fringe?"

Me:  "Oh, I don't know.  I'm saving it for the beach," thinking to myself that it's a little Spring Break 2002 for the neighborhood pool.  Plus I didn't consider how much Riley would like to pull on the fringe.

Alli:  "Well if you aren't going to wear it, can I?  I really like it!"  She puts it on.

Me:  "Oh, I don't know, Alli.  I don't think it fits you."  I'm trying to ignore her shimmying to make the fringe swing.

Alli:  "Oh it fits, Mom.  It fits perfectly.  Well the top fits perfect.  The bottoms are pretty big."