Date Night

Don't be fooled by this title.  I am not referring to my own personal date night.  I haven't had one of those since my pre-Riley days, and even on that one I was 8.5 months pregnant so it's not like I really let loose or anything.  My back was killing me, I couldn't sip wine (because we all know I am a wine-sipper), and I needed to be home to get in bed by 8PM.

What I'm referring to is my social media "friends" who have date nights and how envious I am.  Ryan and I aren't big on leaving the kids with anyone besides family, and the one family member we have locally works two jobs - one in food service and one at a bar, so she might be able to give us "date early afternoon" but date night is pretty much out of the question.

Maybe my lack of date nightingness is my own fault, since I can't let go enough to let someone who doesn't spend Christmas morning with my kids watch them for a few hours, but that's a neurotic tic I've accepted about myself, kind of like the fact that I'm pretty sure if you took my blood pressure when there are dishes in the sink, I'd be having some kind of cardiac event.

Moreso than my parents friends who are date-nighting it up on the reg (power to you, know how lucky you are and how jealous I am), I would like to address my non-parent friends and point out to you that it's not date night for you.  

I know the experts say that kids or no, married for forty years or two, you should always "date" your partner.  But I have to pause and wonder for a minute if these experts have witnessed the miracle of birth, held their wife's hair while she violently threw up (let's just call that a stomach bug), or seen what happens to the female body after it carries a child for nine months.  You can't date someone you've seen go to the bathroom.  You can't date someone you've seen ugly cry.  And you can't date someone who has made you blind with rage because they won't PUT AWAY THE CLOTHES YOU FOLDED FOR THEM.  So I contend that these relationship experts don't have kids, always close the door when they go pee, and are already on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication.  But I digress...

It's not date night for you.  You've never sat down for dinner at a restaurant, had the waiter bring you your plate, and had someone say "Mom, I need to go to the bathroom."  Really, right now?  We've been sitting here twenty minutes waiting for our food, and right now when the waiter brought me my nice hot plate, you have to go to the bathroom?

It's not date night for you.  You've never had your meal interrupted by bending down to pick up a sippy cup literally one thousand times.  You have intelligent, coherent, uninterrupted conversations about politics and travel (because you have plenty of time and money to invest in them), and your hobbies (which don't include 'going to youth soccer games' and 'Pokemon cards').  You can finish a thought without being interrupted by "MAMA!" and yourself saying "Don't crawl on the floor."

It's not date night for you.  Every night of the week you can go out to dinner with your significant other.  You don't have to plan it a month in advance and pray no one gets sick (because they always get sick at the worst times) and that you don't find yourself just too exhausted to go anywhere.  You can wear whatever you want without being afraid the baby will pull your earring through your ear, pull down your shirt, or someone will think "She's a mom, why is she dressed like that?"  Makeup and a nice dress aren't a break for you - you can wear them whenever you want because whenever you want you can go eat at places where they don't have crayons and paper menus and gross wooden high chairs.

Look, I get it.  You're "dating" your partner.  You're making it a special event so you don't get complacent in your relationship.  I support you.  And I wouldn't trade my rugrats for your child-free dinners (most of the time).  Post your pics because you look hot in your LBD and your heels.  Check in at Bordino's and make me jealous - don't have too many chocolate martinis.  But can we just agree that it's "Saturday night" for you?

Date night!!!!

Oh wait, no.  Just Saturday night!!!!!

The Small Stuff

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to a crying baby, starting another week of work a little earlier than I wanted to.  In order to keep my groggy brain awake while Riley ate, I hopped on Twitter to read tweets about last night's sports and celebrity gossip.  What I got instead was something that changed my entire outlook today.

Enjoy the little things, because one day you might look back and realize they were big things.

This simple little quote got me reconsidering everything about my day - the menial tasks, the simple routine, the minor events that all come together to comprise "just another day."  We all know to appreciate Christmas, weddings, the birth of a baby, vacations, and buying a new house.  This quote is a reminder that the little things that happen can be big things too.

As the mom of a young baby and a big kid, I'm all too aware that this time is fleeting.  Before you know it, your baby is a third grader with a sassy mouth and a mind of her own.  And then she is borrowing your car, and then you're taking her to college.  And then she has her own kids and her own house and...oh my gosh I'm going to cry.  Without further ado, here are some of the "little things" I'm appreciating right now:

• Riley's belly laugh while Alli spins in circles in front of her
• Decorating for Halloween, Alli's favorite holiday

Dinner at the table with the entire family followed by a game of Sorry with everyone trying to take down Ryan

Homework and helping Alli grow and develop as a student

Evenings watching TV on the couch with Ryan after the kids go to bed

Our walks as a family, which always stop short at someone in the neighborhood's house where we chat as the kids play until Riley declares she's had enough

Alli wearing her Ninja Turtle pajamas three nights in a row before I could wash them

• Days where I look back and wonder what we did all day, and when I'm honest I realize the answer was "just watched football"
• Alli asking for cookies after dinner every night and me wondering why I can't lose weight when I eat them with her
• Riley being big enough to sit in her exersaucer

• Landry jumping onto the couch right where you were sitting when you get up to go to the bathroom or get a drink
• Riley screaming excitedly and then burying her face in my chest
• Alli's elementary school fundraisers, including the Boosterthon Fun Run and being able to be there to cheer her on

• Alli picking out outfits to wear to school that make me cringe, but I let her wear them anyway
• Riley not being old enough to have an opinion on what she wears
• Cash coming running every time I get ice

• Riley rolling over and not being too sure what just happened
• Staying up until 2AM with my mom playing "Guess That Tune"
• Alli asking me to take pictures of her toys and text them to people

•  Alli quoting whatever movie or show she's watched recently over and over until you have to tell her to stop
• Ryan putting Riley to sleep every night after I feed her
• Snuggling with Riley

• Alli singing at the top of her lungs in the backseat of the car
• Riley grabbing everything within arm's reach and immediately bringing it to her mouth
• Hearing Riley cry on the monitor, and shortly thereafter hearing Alli on the monitor saying "It's okay, don't cry!"
• Football games with most of the family on Dad's birthday eve

I'm going to make it my goal to reflect on this quote more and make sure I'm really appreciating the little things in life that form themselves into major memories.  Each stage of life is so short - it's time to appreciate the process.  Have a wonderful week!

Promises to My Girls

Raising kids in this day and age is hard.  There's just no getting around it!  There's a lot of pressure on parents, and therefore children, to be good at sports, be well-dressed, be popular...it's impossible for anyone to keep up.

So on reflecting on my past eight years of raising a stubborn, independent young lady in anticipation of bringing her sister into the world, I've come up with a few promises I'd like to make to Miss Riley Rachelle that I've made to Alli.

I will dress you appropriately and comfortably for your age.  No giant bows bigger than your head.  Why oh why are these popular?  Listen, I'm a girlie girl.  I love pink, I love sparkles, and I love ponies.  I don't mind tasteful bows that are sized appropriately for the child wearing them.  But these headbands with giant daises and peacock feathers and huge rosettes are killing me.  Killing.  Me.  And I promise, you won't wear dresses every day when you need to be wearing jeans or leggings.  And I'll never ever put you in something that will make me mad if you color on it, rip it, or get food on it.  You're a kid, and you just need to be worried about being a kid.  Clothes are just clothes.  And I'll never send you to school or daycare in shoes that you can't run and play in.  Or that make noise.  Seriously, those squeaker shoes?  Who invented them?  Clearly someone without children.

I won't force you into anything you don't want to do.  When Alli was around 3 I signed her up for gymnastics.  It seemed like a good way to get her started in some exercise and extracurriculars.  Did I do gymnastics when I was little?  No.  I just thought she might enjoy it.  When she asked to stop and start dance around 5, I obliged.  When she asked to do cheer instead of dance the next year, I did it.  And then when she wanted to go back to gymnastics, we did that too.  I started her horseback riding lessons when she was 6.  I felt like she was old enough to handle it and enjoy it.  Did I want to start her at the earliest possible moment?  Of course.  But I waited until she reached a maturity level to truly appreciate it.  And when she had a bad spell of lessons, I asked her earnestly to please tell me if she wanted to stop.  She didn't, thank goodness for Mama, but I was ready and willing to accommodate her, even if it kind of broke my heart.  And when she begged to sign up for soccer this spring, I did it.  I know absolutely nothing about soccer and it has never been high on my list of sports, but I signed her up.  And I'll be at every single game cheering her on, even if I have no idea what's happening.  I'll love it because she does.  And I'll do the same for you, Riley, whether you are a pianist, a painter, a softball stud, or a football player.

• I will ensure you value your inner self more than your outer self.  Women are constantly under pressure to be beautiful, successful, and pulled together.  We maintain homes, we run businesses, and we are supposed to do all of it in heels, designer jeans, and a full face of makeup.    There's no doubt in my mind you are going to be as beautiful as your big sister, Riley, but I promise your inside will be even more beautiful than your outside (just like Alli).  Rather than teaching you about lipstick application and designer handbags - both things I love - I will make sure we focus on teaching you compassion, selflessness, and patience.  I'm never prouder of Alli than when she runs across the field to help a child up who has fallen or tells me "Landry isn't a bad dog, he doesn't mean to!"  So heels and makeup are great, I love them too, but the most important thing in the world to me is who you are on the inside.  And I promise you, I will do all I can to make it shine.
• I will always let you be who you are.  I sometimes die a little inside when Alli wants to wear a Ninja Turtle t-shirt to go shopping instead of one of her cuter outfits.  And when she wanted to be a ghost at Halloween instead of a princess.  But since day one, I promised myself I would let her be herself.  It's one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me, and I had to pass it down to my kids.  She's got plenty of self-doubt and awkward junior high years ahead of her.  To get through those, she's going to need a strong sense of who she is.  So I just let her be who she wants to be.  No forcing.  Unless we're going to church and she has her Michelangelo t-shirt on with leggings and Converse.  You have to teach them how to dress correctly for certain occasions, right?  So Riley, I have my fingers crossed you'll be a little prissier and frillier than your big sister, but if you're not...I'll be just fine.  I am pretty sure your dad and sister already have your first Halloween costume planned, and it's not very princess-y.  But as soon as you can tell me what you want to be, you got it girl.