Date Night

Don't be fooled by this title.  I am not referring to my own personal date night.  I haven't had one of those since my pre-Riley days, and even on that one I was 8.5 months pregnant so it's not like I really let loose or anything.  My back was killing me, I couldn't sip wine (because we all know I am a wine-sipper), and I needed to be home to get in bed by 8PM.

What I'm referring to is my social media "friends" who have date nights and how envious I am.  Ryan and I aren't big on leaving the kids with anyone besides family, and the one family member we have locally works two jobs - one in food service and one at a bar, so she might be able to give us "date early afternoon" but date night is pretty much out of the question.

Maybe my lack of date nightingness is my own fault, since I can't let go enough to let someone who doesn't spend Christmas morning with my kids watch them for a few hours, but that's a neurotic tic I've accepted about myself, kind of like the fact that I'm pretty sure if you took my blood pressure when there are dishes in the sink, I'd be having some kind of cardiac event.

Moreso than my parents friends who are date-nighting it up on the reg (power to you, know how lucky you are and how jealous I am), I would like to address my non-parent friends and point out to you that it's not date night for you.  

I know the experts say that kids or no, married for forty years or two, you should always "date" your partner.  But I have to pause and wonder for a minute if these experts have witnessed the miracle of birth, held their wife's hair while she violently threw up (let's just call that a stomach bug), or seen what happens to the female body after it carries a child for nine months.  You can't date someone you've seen go to the bathroom.  You can't date someone you've seen ugly cry.  And you can't date someone who has made you blind with rage because they won't PUT AWAY THE CLOTHES YOU FOLDED FOR THEM.  So I contend that these relationship experts don't have kids, always close the door when they go pee, and are already on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication.  But I digress...

It's not date night for you.  You've never sat down for dinner at a restaurant, had the waiter bring you your plate, and had someone say "Mom, I need to go to the bathroom."  Really, right now?  We've been sitting here twenty minutes waiting for our food, and right now when the waiter brought me my nice hot plate, you have to go to the bathroom?

It's not date night for you.  You've never had your meal interrupted by bending down to pick up a sippy cup literally one thousand times.  You have intelligent, coherent, uninterrupted conversations about politics and travel (because you have plenty of time and money to invest in them), and your hobbies (which don't include 'going to youth soccer games' and 'Pokemon cards').  You can finish a thought without being interrupted by "MAMA!" and yourself saying "Don't crawl on the floor."

It's not date night for you.  Every night of the week you can go out to dinner with your significant other.  You don't have to plan it a month in advance and pray no one gets sick (because they always get sick at the worst times) and that you don't find yourself just too exhausted to go anywhere.  You can wear whatever you want without being afraid the baby will pull your earring through your ear, pull down your shirt, or someone will think "She's a mom, why is she dressed like that?"  Makeup and a nice dress aren't a break for you - you can wear them whenever you want because whenever you want you can go eat at places where they don't have crayons and paper menus and gross wooden high chairs.

Look, I get it.  You're "dating" your partner.  You're making it a special event so you don't get complacent in your relationship.  I support you.  And I wouldn't trade my rugrats for your child-free dinners (most of the time).  Post your pics because you look hot in your LBD and your heels.  Check in at Bordino's and make me jealous - don't have too many chocolate martinis.  But can we just agree that it's "Saturday night" for you?

Date night!!!!

Oh wait, no.  Just Saturday night!!!!!

The Small Stuff

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to a crying baby, starting another week of work a little earlier than I wanted to.  In order to keep my groggy brain awake while Riley ate, I hopped on Twitter to read tweets about last night's sports and celebrity gossip.  What I got instead was something that changed my entire outlook today.

Enjoy the little things, because one day you might look back and realize they were big things.

This simple little quote got me reconsidering everything about my day - the menial tasks, the simple routine, the minor events that all come together to comprise "just another day."  We all know to appreciate Christmas, weddings, the birth of a baby, vacations, and buying a new house.  This quote is a reminder that the little things that happen can be big things too.

As the mom of a young baby and a big kid, I'm all too aware that this time is fleeting.  Before you know it, your baby is a third grader with a sassy mouth and a mind of her own.  And then she is borrowing your car, and then you're taking her to college.  And then she has her own kids and her own house and...oh my gosh I'm going to cry.  Without further ado, here are some of the "little things" I'm appreciating right now:

• Riley's belly laugh while Alli spins in circles in front of her
• Decorating for Halloween, Alli's favorite holiday

Dinner at the table with the entire family followed by a game of Sorry with everyone trying to take down Ryan

Homework and helping Alli grow and develop as a student

Evenings watching TV on the couch with Ryan after the kids go to bed

Our walks as a family, which always stop short at someone in the neighborhood's house where we chat as the kids play until Riley declares she's had enough

Alli wearing her Ninja Turtle pajamas three nights in a row before I could wash them

• Days where I look back and wonder what we did all day, and when I'm honest I realize the answer was "just watched football"
• Alli asking for cookies after dinner every night and me wondering why I can't lose weight when I eat them with her
• Riley being big enough to sit in her exersaucer

• Landry jumping onto the couch right where you were sitting when you get up to go to the bathroom or get a drink
• Riley screaming excitedly and then burying her face in my chest
• Alli's elementary school fundraisers, including the Boosterthon Fun Run and being able to be there to cheer her on

• Alli picking out outfits to wear to school that make me cringe, but I let her wear them anyway
• Riley not being old enough to have an opinion on what she wears
• Cash coming running every time I get ice

• Riley rolling over and not being too sure what just happened
• Staying up until 2AM with my mom playing "Guess That Tune"
• Alli asking me to take pictures of her toys and text them to people

•  Alli quoting whatever movie or show she's watched recently over and over until you have to tell her to stop
• Ryan putting Riley to sleep every night after I feed her
• Snuggling with Riley

• Alli singing at the top of her lungs in the backseat of the car
• Riley grabbing everything within arm's reach and immediately bringing it to her mouth
• Hearing Riley cry on the monitor, and shortly thereafter hearing Alli on the monitor saying "It's okay, don't cry!"
• Football games with most of the family on Dad's birthday eve

I'm going to make it my goal to reflect on this quote more and make sure I'm really appreciating the little things in life that form themselves into major memories.  Each stage of life is so short - it's time to appreciate the process.  Have a wonderful week!

It's Not About Gun Control

I know we usually have a lot of fun over here at the Lowe Down.  We're always talking about holidays, fun family events, and home decorating.  Right now though, I am so disturbed and consumed with the horrible events that happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School and the public reaction, I cannot help but comment on it, and I think this is probably the best forum for it.

I almost never agree with my Facebook newsfeed when it comes to political agendas.  Growing up a bleeding heart liberal in the heart of a red state didn't afford me many friends with my same views.   So it's no surprise to me during November in an election year that I generally unfriend some people and hide others and avoid most social media.  I'm used to it.

It has been a surprise to me that since Friday though, I have had to do the same thing.  Not for political reasons per se, but because I am still surprised by my "friends'" reaction to the events that took place this Friday.  Initially, a majority of people reacted simply as expected - horror, grief, sadness, hugging up their own kids - just like me.  Later, as more details have emerged, there have been stories of heroic teachers and kids, all hard to read but valuable.

However, there's another emerging theme.  Gun control.  This one didn't surprise me, but it continually disappoints me.  In the midst of a massacre of epic proportions, parents and siblings grieving for their first grader, are you really clinging to your duck hunting gun and screaming about your right to bear arms?  Clearly, my views on gun control do not match yours, but this is not the time or the place for that discussion.

Here is what I would like to ask, however.  Instead of concerning yourself with gun control, why aren't you screaming for better mental health care in our country?  Obviously, there was something very wrong with this man.  Did he have a mental health problem that went untreated or ignored?  Was he bullied severely as a child?  Was his home life a nightmare?  Details are murky right now, but we can all agree that no average person who had a peaceful upbringing, a healthy mind, and a normal childhood would do what this man did.

Maybe you should loosen your grip on your Glock, because I don't want to take it from you.  Maybe you should wonder what symptoms you're ignoring in your own child, brother, or friend, that is indicating to you that they need help.  This country does not concern itself much with the mental health of its citizens, as evidenced by longer work days, less vacation, severe bullying, and lack of oveall discussion.  Mental illness is a stigma, and not one that most want to discuss.  The only way to overcome this is by us, the citizens, parents, and employees, standing up for our mental health and that of others.

Maybe your child is the bully.  Stop worrying about your gun, and teach him tolerance, kindness, and compassion.  Teach him respect for those who are different from him.

Maybe he's the one being bullied.  Teach him confidence, and listen to him.  Go to your teacher, your principal, your lawyer, and fight for his right to be left alone.

Maybe he's just the one standing aside and watching it happen.  Teach him the merits of caring for those less fortunate than he, and not just in the financial aspect.  Teach him to stand up for the weak, the weary, the downtrodden.

Maybe your child has mental health concerns.  Please don't ignore them.  Talk to teachers, talk to doctors, and get him the help he needs.

I am not asking for sympathy for the killer.  All I am asking for is for us to focus on what's really important here.  Here's a hint:  it's not you or your gun.