Fierce.

It seems appropriate on the day my older daughter turns nine that we tackle an issue that has been plaguing me for at least several months, if not over a year here at the Lowe Down:  Alli isn't made of sugar and spice and everything nice.  She's not a princess.  She doesn't care about bows, skirts, or frill.  She's happiest in a t-shirt with her favorite superhero on it building Legos or playing Skylanders with her dad on the Xbox.  She likes babies, she likes giving a good makeover or two, and she doesn't mind a pedicure.  You might call her well-rounded.  I don't have an issue with any of that.

That's her, this morning on her birthday, about to tear into a new Skylanders game and an updated Ninja Turtles shirt.  See those bags?  I had to buy every one of them in the Boys Birthday section.  Along with her Ninja Turtle birthday card.  And I had to thumb through several before I found one that didn't reference a "birthday boy" or some other male-specific nomenclature.  You see, even though Alli isn't bound by traditional gender roles, the world around her is.  The toy makers tell her she needs to play with babies and Barbies and fairies, talk about being friends and making each other beautiful, and love pink and purple exclusively.  The kids at school tell her what society tells them - she's a "tomboy" because she likes video games, Star Wars, and Legos.

Check out this commercial remixer, aimed at driving the point home on how we differentiate "girls" and "boys."  If you're interested, there's even a Lego gender remixer.  Alli's a girl, so she should want to play with pink Legos that you can build into beauty shops and a vet's office.  And she should speak softly and in a high-pitched voice.  But Alli wants to play with Ninjago Legos, and she wants the Star Wars collection.  The advertisers say those are "boy" Legos.

I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't struggle with this from time to time.  I love pink and sparkle and frills.  I was quite the Ninja Turtle aficionado myself growing up however.  But as a mom I followed what was expected of me and efforted to raise a prissy princess.  And when she turned to the Avengers and was a ghost instead of Ariel one Halloween, I blamed Ryan.  He "made her into a boy", I accused.  He forced the Legos on her.  He forced the video games.  But what I didn't realize what that he was wiser than I was - he was embracing what she was interested in.  And I was forcing her into who I wanted her to be.  We no longer walk down the Barbie aisle, but we beeline for the Ninja Turtle aisle to see if the newest action figures are out yet.  And sometimes, when you had expectations, that hurts a little.  But she doesn't need another person trying to define her by what she likes to play with, she needs her mom to tell her she can be whatever she wants to be.

I bought that birthday cake hat at Wal-Mart last week for her Elf on the Shelf Tinsel to give her.  He got credit for the thing Mama and Daddy wouldn't buy, and he hung up a birthday banner for good measure.  After a solid lunch hour of dealing with the constant gender stereotypes my kid faces as a I shopped for the finishing touches on her birthday, I was probably testier than usual with the seventy year old woman checking me out.

"Oh, I've never seen anyone buy the birthday hat before, is that for you?"

"No ma'am, that's for my daughter.  She's turning nine on Sunday and she's been begging to get one to wear."

"Oh, well, usually the little girls like princess crowns."

"Well, she's not a princess, ma'am, she's a badass."

Alli's no damsel in distress.  She doesn't need rescuing.  She isn't confined by society's narrow view of what a little girl should be.  She's funny.  She's smart.  She's fabulous without the frill and fluff.  She'll get herself out of the tower, thankyouverymuch.  She's fierce in the truest sense of the word.  And I am so proud to be her mama today and every day.  Happy 9th birthday to you, Alli!!